3 tips for using the three keywords: 'What, How, When'

These were the three keywords I learned when working with young people in therapeutic communities. At the time there were many models for encouraging people, but most boiled down to asking them. “What do you want to do? How can you do it? When do you want to begin?” Let’s explore how you can use these keywords to help people to succeed.

* You can focus on the ‘What’.

“Most people want similar things in life,” said one of my teachers in the therapeutic community. “They want to be loved, happy and successful. They also want to find peace. But people try to achieve these goals in different ways. Some strategies work, but others cause trouble. People who come to this community want to take responsibility for shaping their futures. We help them to clarify what they want out of life - then find healthy ways to achieve their goals.”

Imagine somebody has asked you to help them to shape their future. You will probably start by clarifying their aims. Depending on the topic they want to explore, you will ask questions that revolve around the ‘What’. For example:

“What is your goal? What are the real results you want to achieve? What is your picture of success?”

You may also use exercises to help a person clarify their short, medium and long-term goals. One of the most popular is called Success. Looking back when they are 80, what for them will mean they have had a successful life? If they prefer to simply focus on their professional life, they can tackle the exercise called My professional legacy. What do they want to leave behind after finishing a certain project or completing their career? There are many similar exercises that encourage people to clarify their ‘What’.

“But what about the ‘Why’ question?” somebody may ask. “Don’t they need to know why they want to achieve a goal?” I have found that people often find it easier to uncover their motives by asking them: “What will be the benefits of achieving the goal? What will be both the pluses and minuses? Bearing in mind the whole package, are you prepared to work hard to reach the goal?” In terms of deeper motives, I return to the key things that most people want out of life. They want to be loved, happy, successful and find peace. This means different things to different people. So quite a bit of time is spent on the question: “What are the real results you want to achieve?” Establish the ‘What’: then move onto the next step.

* You can focus on the ‘How’.

This is the opportunity to ‘sit alongside’ the person to do some brainstorming and creative problem-solving. When working with the young people, for example, I asked: “How can you get what you want?” This led to them exploring the specific actions - and successful patterns - they wanted to pursue in the future. Many had got themselves into trouble, so we also considered: “How can you stop yourself getting what you want?” This enabled them to describe their self-defeating patterns and the choices they could make. Bringing it all together, the next question was: “So how can you do your best to reach your goals?” Let’s imagine you have established the ‘What’ and the ‘How’ with the person, it is then time to move into action planning.

* You can focus on the ‘When’.

“When do you want to reach your goal? When do you want to pass the various milestones along the way? When can you get an early success? Bearing in mind these answers, when do you want to begin?” These are the key questions when enabling a person to clarifying their action plan. The crucial part, however, is that the person must ‘own’ the plan: they must believe in it and want to translate it into action. They must also be prepared to work hard to reach the goals. Before concluding a session, return to the beginning and double-check:

a) The ‘What’ - the person’s picture of success.

b) The ‘How’ - the person’s strategies for achieving success.

c) The ‘When’ - the specific action plan for doing their best to success.

The model sounds simple in theory - but you can practice it on many different levels. If you wish, try tackling the exercise at the end of this piece. Clarify how you can use the three keywords for helping people to achieve success.