3 tips for focusing on having 'a sense of wonder' - rather than 'winning'

What is your philosophy of life? Do you focus on enjoying ‘a sense of wonder’? Do you focus on ‘winning’? Do you focus on both? You can, of course, enjoy a sense of wonder whilst also striving to do your best. There are no good or bad philosophies, but there are consequences – both for yourself and other people. Let’s explore these various approaches to life.

* You can focus on having a sense of wonder – rather than winning.

When do you experience this feeling? You may be walking on the beach, painting a picture, writing an article, playing with your child, watching a nature programme or whatever. You feel pure, appreciative and a part of something greater than yourself. When writing, for example, it feels like you are channelling the creativity. Certainly you have worked hard to get to that point – to reach the 8/10 – but then you are ready to flow, focus and finish. You enjoy the journey as well as reaching the goal. The whole experience provides you with a sense of wonder. You do not think about ‘winning’ – beating other people. When does this happen for you? Try completing the following sentence.

The times when I enjoy a sense of wonder without any thought of ‘winning’ are:


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* You can have a sense of wonder and strive to do your best.

“But I believe competition is vital,” somebody may say. “Show me a good loser and I will show you a loser. Life is about testing yourself against other people.” Perhaps – but there is another way of being. Many great performers have an almost zen-like approach to life. They aim to be the best kind of person, athlete, musician, teacher, artist or whatever they want to be. Certainly they follow their passion and principles – and sometimes win the ‘prize’. But the reward falls like fruit from a tree. If they do ‘compete’, it is often against themselves, rather than other people. Such people have a sense of gratitude. They appreciate the gifts and opportunities that life has given them – so they aim to continually perform at their best. Sometimes, as a by-product, they are awarded ‘badges’ or trophies. But the key is to be true to themselves and their talent – rather than ‘win’ by beating somebody else. When do you experience this feeling? Try completing the following sentence.

The times when I have a sense of wonder and strive to do my best are:


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* You can ‘win’ by having a sense of wonder.

This sounds philosophical but, for you, what is ‘winning’? “For me it is appreciating life, being a good parent and partner, and using my talent to make a positive difference in the world,” said one person. What is your definition of winning?

Perhaps I am biased – because I am not competitive. Determined, resolute, tough – yes, but not focused on ‘winning’ by beating others. School seemed strange. It was obvious that people were good at different things, so there was little point in ‘league tables’. Later on in life, when asked to ‘pitch’ for business, I wanted to do my best, rather than beat the opposition. If the ‘fit’ with the hiring company was right, then I may get the business. If the ‘fit’ was not right, then it would not work anyway. The same approach applies to sharing – rather than hoarding - knowledge. Several decades ago I ran 5 day courses in ‘strengths building’, which were set-up by an agent. Two years into these courses, the agent arrived in a rage, saying: “Look at this book. The author was on your course last year. He has taken all the material, made it into a book and called it his own.” My response was: “It does not matter. The course is based on eternal truths, so we just move-on.” Each person could do what they wanted with the information.

“But what about sport, isn’t that about winning?” somebody may say. John Wooden is recognised as the USA’s greatest-ever college basketball coach. John Vallely, one of his students, said: "On the first day of practice, I remember him (Wooden) saying, 'I'm not going to be talking to you about winning or losing because I think that's a by-product of our preparation. I would much rather be focused on the process of becoming the best team we're capable of becoming.” Wooden’s teams won 10 national championships– even though he never talked about ‘winning’. His created a model called the ‘pyramid of success’, which is quoted by leaders in many fields. The base of the pyramid consists of several building blocks, one of which is: ‘Enthusiasm. Your heart must be in your work. Stimulate others.’ At the top, Wooden’s pyramid reads: “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

So how do you win? One approach is to maintain a sense of wonder, be true to yourself and use your talents to build a better world. Sometimes you will gain plaudits, sometimes you won’t. But you will always show respect to life, which is one of the greatest wins. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to maintain a sense of wonder and do my best in life are:


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