3 tips for shaping your future after a setback

Imagine that you have suffered a setback. You understand the stages that many people go through after such an experience. They travel through shock; denial, paralysis, anger, hurt, healing, new strength, new goals, hard work, success and self-confidence. You are aware of the journey – but the setback still hurts. How can you re-take control? Here are three steps you can consider. You can spend time in a ‘sanctuary’, then shape your future and achieve success. Let’s explore these steps.

* You can spend time in a sanctuary.

People who suffer a setback need time to lick their wounds. So it can be useful to spend time in your chosen ‘sanctuary’ - even if it is only for 10 seconds. “I tend to find a quiet corner where I can reflect,” said one person. “Certainly I find it useful to buy time to get angry, do some ‘grieving’ or make sense of what happened. Then I gather my strength to plot the way forward.” Where do you go to rest and reflect? You may sleep, go for a walk, talk with a friend or whatever. What do you then do to regain your strength?

Let’s explore how this works in practice. First, describe a potential setback that you may experience in the future. You may be overlooked for promotion, fail to get a customer order, have your book rejected by a publisher or whatever. Second, describe the possible sanctuaries you may use to recover from the setback. Third, describe what you will do in the sanctuary to re-gather your strength. Try completing the following sentences.

The potential setback I may face in the future is:

*

The ‘sanctuaries’ I may use to recover from the setback are:

*

The specific things I can do to regain strength while spending time in my sanctuaries are:

*

* You can focus on shaping your future.

Sanctuaries are great for a while, but then its important to begin exercising your muscles – otherwise the body atrophies. When you feel ready, emerge from the sanctuary and begin shaping your future. “I had two choices after suffering a particular setback,” said one person. “Put simply, I could dwell on the past or develop my future. I could choose to succeed or sulk. So I chose to succeed.” People do not always choose what happens to them – but they do choose their response to these events.

Let’s return to the potential setback you may face. Peak performers ask themselves the following questions in such situations. “What are the real results I want to achieve? How can I ‘control the controllables’? How can I build on what I can control and manage what I can’t control? Bearing these factors in mind, what are the potential options? What are the consequences of each option? Which is my chosen option? How can I make this happen? How can I build on the pluses and minimise the minuses? What could go wrong – and what is my back-up plan? How can I get a quick success?” You will, of course, have your own model for taking charge of the future. Looking at the potential setback you may face, try completing the follow sentence.

The specific things I can do to shape my future after the setback are:

*

* You can work hard to achieve success.

It’s then time to throw yourself into work. People choose different ways to work hard to achieve success - but several factors are worth bearing in mind. After deciding on your chosen path, pursue a clear action plan. Start the day with an early success - because this creates positive momentum - and follow your daily disciplines. One MD explained.

“The new owners of our parent company ‘displaced’ me one Friday. After taking a week off to collect my thoughts, I then made ‘getting a job’ a full-time job. I sat down at 8.30 on the Monday to contact people by email – focusing on those in my network - people who knew what I offered. Writing customised letters - rather than sending out a conventional CV - I outlined 3 things I could deliver to help their business to be successful. I also said I would be visiting their part of the country within the next month - even if I wasn’t - and asked if it would be useful to drop in for a coffee. Within 6 weeks I had two offers, both at a higher salary than my previous job.”

Keep working hard. But be patient and encourage yourself on the journey. When you hit a wall, retire for a short time to your sanctuary, regain strength - then emerge to work even smarter. Let’s assume you have charted your strategy for overcoming the setback. Bearing this route in mind, try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to work hard to achieve success are:

*

"Breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs," we are told. They can spur us towards greater success .