3 tips for recognising that 'vulnerability is a great teacher'

“Vulnerability is a great teacher,” we are told. Sometimes we learn key lessons when we are vulnerable. We recognise our values, what we value and how to live our future lives. Sometimes we learn from the experience. The wisdom seeps into our bones and we apply the lessons in our daily lives. Other times the messages dissolve into the mist. Let’s explore what we can gain from such times.

* You can recognise that vulnerability is a great teacher.

Can you think of a time when you felt vulnerable? You may have suffered a debilitating illness, lost someone close, experienced an unexpected setback or whatever. Suddenly you felt out of control – unable to shape everything in your world. Certainly you aimed to ‘control the controllables’ – but many levers lay beyond your reach. What did you do next? After a while you may have begun to reflect, go deeper and listen to your soul. “Everything is temporary, nothing is permanent,” we are told. But it is when we feel vulnerable that this lesson strikes home. We have chance to consider what is important on life. When has this happened for you? Try completing the following sentence.

The times when I have found ‘vulnerability to be a great teacher’ have been:

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* You can learn about your deepest values during the vulnerable times.

“My wife suffered a serious illness,” explained one person. “To make matters worse, my job then came under threat. At first I said: ‘I just want everything to be like it was before.’ But I soon realised we must go forward. We scoured the internet to gather information about her illness, met self-help groups and planned the way ahead. Then we took stock of our assets - our finances, relationships, professional contacts and other resources. We soon realised how lucky – how rich – we were. We talked about ‘downshifting’, moving to another part of the country – perhaps near my partner’s parents – and starting a different kind of life. Our children were also very supportive.

“My wife recovered and the job survived – but we also heeded the lessons. The troubles brought us together. One year later we moved closer to my partner’s parents. She returned to part-time teaching – which she loves. I set-up my own business and our daughter now shares a horse! Our son changed his chosen subjects at university. Rediscovering his youthful idealism, he plans to become an environmental journalist. The whole experience taught us to value the precious things in life.”

Let’s return to your vulnerable times. What did you learn about your values, about what you valued and what you wanted to value in the future? Try completing the following sentence.

The things that I found to be my deepest values during those vulnerable times were:

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* You can follow these values during your less-vulnerable times.

People recognise phrases such as: “Near death experiences focus our minds.” Our deepest learning, however, is in our bones - not just our hearts or minds. Vulnerability can affect us on the primary level and teach us to re-evaluate our lives. Sometimes we embrace the lessons; sometimes we don’t. Human beings must become slightly immune, otherwise we would not function. But it is also important to take on-board the lessons from difficult experiences. How have you applied the learning from your difficult times? How would you like to follow these principles in the future? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to live my deepest values during the less-vulnerable times are:

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Sages throughout history have ‘journeyed into the wilderness’ to overcome hardship. They emerge humbler, stronger, wiser. Sometimes, however, the wilderness comes to us. We then gather our forces, focus on what we can do and embrace lessons for the future. Successes help us to grow, but so do setbacks. Vulnerability can be a great teacher.