3 tips for being a good encourager

Everybody needs encouragement. So how can you be a good encourager? How can you help a person to become the best kind of artist, engineer, teacher or whatever they want to be? How can you discover what gives them energy? How can you help them to excel? Good encouragers are like good educators. They focus on the three E’s: encouragement, enterprise and excellence. Let’s explore how you can follow these steps when helping another person.

* You can focus on encouragement.

Encouragement often starts on a basic level. The first stage calls for providing people with practical support, such as the materials for life -food, shelter and the ability to shape their future. The second stage calls for offering people psychological support. So how can you provide individuals with such encouragement?

Try tackling the exercise on this theme called My encouragers. This invites you to do three things. First, looking back on your life, write the names of 3 people who have encouraged you. For example, a parent, teacher, sports coach, manager, friend, writer, artist or whoever. Second, describe what they did right to be good encouragers. For example, they may have made you feel the centre of the world, identified your talents and, when necessary, given tough messages. Third, bearing these principles in mind, describe how you can encourage other people. Everybody is different, of course, so it is obviously important to check with them how they want to be encouraged.

* You can focus on enterprise.

Good encouragers are like good educators. Looking at a person, they ask themselves: “When does the person ‘come alive’? When do they take initiatives? What are the activities in which they are ‘in their element’? When do they show a sense of enterprise?” George Lyward, a pioneer in child care, used to say: "You have to look for what Antoine St. Exupery called 'The Murdered Mozart' in each person. Look for the golden moments when they become fascinated by an activity. A person may be painting, playing football or whatever. Help them to discover what they are doing right. Help them to find and follow their natural discipline. They can then create more of those golden moments. Help the person to become the best kind of Mozart they can be."

* You can focus on excellence.

Good educators build on a person’s positive energy and help them to achieve excellence. They agree with the person on: a) The goals they want to achieve: b) The person’s role in achieving the goals: c) The help they want from the educator. They then work together to enable the person to achieve excellence. If appropriate, you can follow similar principles to help somebody to reach their goals. Certainly this works well if you are in a professional relationship, such as acting as a manager, mentor or coach. Personal relationships have a different dynamic - and it is important not to automatically move into a ‘coaching role’. There is nothing more annoying than somebody who tries to fix everybody else’s life! Sometimes it can be appropriate, however, to encourage a person along their road towards achieving excellence. Encouragers are on the side of life. They keep planting seeds of hope and we never forget a good encourager.

You can find many more ideas on this them in the book Strengths Coaching in 90 Minutes, which can be found here:

Book

3 tips for moving between the concept and the concrete

Imagine you are a mentor, educator or keynote speaker. How can you communicate in a way that people find relevant and rewarding? People often want to understand the overall philosophy but also get practical tools. One approach is to keep moving between the concept and the concrete. Let’s explore how this works in practice.

* You can give the concept.

Imagine you are helping people to develop their leadership skills. Begin by clarifying the key messages you want to give people. Plan how you can bring these messages to life by moving between the concept and concrete. One message you may want to give, for example, is that the leader is always ‘on stage’. Start by introducing the concept. You may want to say something like:

“The leader is always ‘on stage’. People will pick up on your mood. They will watch the way you communicate, speak and act. Looking back on your own life, remember how you reacted to parents, teachers and your managers. You probably watched them closely to ‘read’ their emotions - then judged what it was safe to say or do. Leaders set the tone - which is what you do in your daily work. Let’s consider how to translate this principle into practice.”

* You can move to the concrete.

Show that you understand peoples’ world by linking the concept to concrete actions. There are many ways to bring the learning to life. Here is a snapshot of one approach. You may want to say something like:

“Let’s start from your destination and do three things. First, write the actual words you want people to say about you as a leader. For example: ‘She/he is always positive. She/he communicates a clear vision. She/he always has time for us as individuals.’ Second, describe your leadership journey during the working day - especially the interactions you have with employees. Third, describe how you want to behave during each part of this journey - especially when you are ‘on stage’. Remember the impressions you want people to take away from their interactions with you.

“Let’s start the journey. When do people see you for the first time during the day? Perhaps when you get out of the car; then you enter the building; greet the receptionist; enter the lift; say ‘hello,’ to others in the lift; walk into the main office; say ‘hello,’ to individuals; greet your PA; get yourself a coffee; talk with people at the coffee machine; walk back through the office; sit in front of the computer; begin work; answer the phone; walk around the office and so on. Looking at your journey, ask yourself:

* How do I want to behave when I meet each person? If a video camera followed me during the day, what would people see? What messages do I want to give? How can I give these in a positive but natural way?

* How do I want to greet people? How can I be fully present and give each person 100% attention? How can I show a sincere interest in them? What are the specific things I want to say to each person?

* What impression do I give when I walk through the office? Do I appear friendly, preoccupied or disinterested? What messages do I want to give? How can I do this in a natural way?

* What impression would people get of me if they saw me at my computer? Would it be better for me to have my own office - or be facing the wall - so that people do not read too much into my expressions?

* Everybody needs ‘personal space’ where they can just be themselves. What can I do to create this reflection time or space to relax? Once I have taken ‘time out’, how can I then refocus and go back into the situation where I am ‘on stage’?”

Keep giving concrete examples. Answer questions and, where appropriate, give practical tools that people can use in their daily lives and work.

* You can keep moving between the concept and the concrete.

Some teachers stay on the conceptual level; others stay on the concrete. Great educators move between the two levels. After covering the first topic, move onto the second and repeat the process. Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Looking ahead, think of a situation where you want to use this approach. First, describe the key messages - the concepts - you want to give people. Second, describe the examples you can use to bring these to life and make them concrete. When communicating, make sure that: a) You are connecting with people; b) You are helping them to reach their goals. People are then more likely to find the messages both relevant and rewarding.

3 tips for giving somebody the opportunity to succeed

People want to develop. But sometimes they need the chance to use their talents. Looking back on your life, can you think of somebody who gave you a realistic but stretching opportunity to succeed? Perhaps it was a teacher at school, a coach in sports or a manager at work. How did they give you this opportunity? What did you do right to grasp it? Looking to the future, how can you give somebody the chance to succeed? Let’s explore three tips for making this happen.

* You can spot where somebody has the opportunity to succeed.

Everybody has talents. The art lies in seeing what these talents are - then spotting the opportunity where somebody can succeed. Recently I witnessed the power of giving and grasping such possibilities.

Isak Berglind, a 15 year-old Swedish boy, spent a fortnight staying at our home. He travelled with ‘the tools of his trade’ - equipment for ‘fire juggling’ - more of which later. His visit coincided with our neighbour holding their November 5th fireworks display to which around 50 people are invited. Berit, my wife, arranged for Isak to give a ‘fire juggling’ performance to the gathering. He proved sensational. Lighting balls of fire, he whirled them around in hypnotic patterns, whilst incorporating moves from capoeira, the Brazilian martial art. The crowd loved it. In their eyes, this shy boy turned into a budding star. But for me one event stood out. Before the performance, Isak spent one hour practicing in the garden to make sure he got it right on the night. He has the talent and discipline to do what he wants - to entertain people in life.

Everybody has gifts - but these may not be recognised by the educational or work system. Their strengths may fall outside the boxes drawn by conventional views of exam subjects or competencies. Can you think of somebody who has the talent - and the discipline - required to succeed in a specific activity? Try completing the following sentences.

The person who has the talent to succeed in a specific activity is:

*

The specific activity in which I think they can succeed is:

*

* You can create the opportunity for somebody to succeed.

“The best way to learn is to teach,” said Tony Manocchio, one of my mentors. “Next month I am holding a workshop for professionals working with young people. You run a therapeutic community for teenagers and I would like you to lead a session for the psychiatrists from Scandinavia.”

Tony gave me the opportunity to teach at the age of 28 - quite old for a starting teacher - but much younger than the psychiatrists. Fortunately the session worked and produced invitations to teach in Scandinavia, which eventually turned into a full-time career for 10 years. I am not sure what Tony spotted, but he provided the practical opportunity to succeed. This opened the door to massive possibilities.

Let’s return to the person whom you believe has talent. Can you think of a suitable opportunity they can grasp? It can be one that exists already or one you can create. The opportunity should be stretching but - providing they work hard - they should also have a realistic chance of succeeding. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific opportunity that exists – or that I can create –
where the person could have the chance to succeed is:

*

* You can provide support – but allow them to take responsibility for succeeding.

This is the crucial part. Great educators, for example, focus on encouragement, enterprise and excellence. They provide an encouraging environment and look for when the person shows enterprise. They then work with the learner to help them achieve excellence.

Let’s return to the person you want to support. You can provide appropriate encouragement - but it is vital they take responsibility. Some well-intentioned people may be tempted to be over-supportive and smother the learner. The person must be allowed to plan, work hard and achieve their own success. Describe how you can provide the right support - but also know how step out of the way. The person can then work hard, reach their goal and grow as a result. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to provide support - but
allow the person to take responsibility for succeeding are:

*

You can find more tools for encouraging people at:

http://www.thestrengthsway.com/