3 tips for recognising that 'what you focus on, you become'

“Study success,” said one of my teachers. “You are then more likely to feel optimistic. Study cynicism and you are more likely to be cynical. That does not mean you should ignore reality. Study solutions, however, rather than constantly analyse failure. What you focus on, you become.”

What you study - or put into your system - has an effect on how you feel. This is the law of return. Let’s explore how you can focus on what you want to become.

* You can clarify what you focus on.

What is your natural default? Do you focus on things that are positive or negative? Do you concentrate on beauty or ugliness; solutions or problems; hope or despair? Do you count your blessings or worry about what is missing? Do you spend time with people who are creative or those who complain?

Martin Seligman, a renowned psychologist, describes his own ‘Road To Damascus’ moment when his 8-year-old daughter said to him, in effect: “Dad, I might do much better if you occasionally told me what I did well.” He went on to write books such as Learned Optimism. Until recently, he maintains, psychologists could only get funding if they studied how people became ‘ill’. So they became experts in pointing out how people failed. He is now trying to reverse that trend and founded The Positive Psychology Network. So what do you focus on? Try completing the following sentence.

The things I focus on now are:

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* You can clarify what you want to focus on.

Depending on which society you live in, you may be assailed by negative messages through the media. The constant argument, criticism and carping can take its toll. Yes, it is vital to see challenges and find creative solutions - but you need positive energy to make that happen.

“Ten years ago I changed dramatically,” said one person. “Being a ‘caring parent’, I wanted my children to grow up happily. But then one day I got a shock. My son asked me: ‘Is the world going to end?’ My answer was, ‘Of course not,’ but I wanted to know why he asked the question. He had been looking at my doom and gloom environmental magazines - a mood that I sometimes expressed when friends were round for dinner. Suddenly I took notice. I wanted to build a happier, more sustainable world, but I was poisoning my own home. Now I take magazines that show practical ways we can improve the world - rather than those that fill people with despair. It was a tough lesson.”

What do you want to focus on? You may want to spend more time encouraging other people, playing music, enjoying the arts, caring for your garden, creating beauty or whatever. Describe what you would like to spend your energy concentrating on – and how you can take steps to make that happen. Try completing the following sentences.

The things I want to focus on in the future are:

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The steps I can take to focus on these things are:

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* You can become more like what you focus on.

This is a challenge and calls for developing positive habits. You may remember the old story about Gandhi.

One day a mother brought her son to see the great man and said: ‘Can you please tell him to stop eating sugar?” Gandhi asked them to come back in 2 weeks. The date duly arrived and Gandhi told the boy to stop eating sugar. The mother thanked him but, before leaving, she asked: “Why couldn’t you tell him that two weeks ago?” His answer was: “I had to give up sugar first.” Gandhi believed you had to ‘be’ the message.

Let’s imagine that you develop your chosen habits. What will be the results of focusing on what you want to become? Try completing the following sentence.

The benefits of doing this will be:

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"Everything is food," we are told. Certainly we are influenced by the people, places, sights, sounds and feelings around us. In any situation, we face a choice. We can choose to focus on the positive things, the possible solutions or the negative things. Then, what focus on, we are more likely to become.