3 tips for developing where you have a photographic memory

How can you find your top talent? One clue can be found in the activity where you have the equivalent of a photographic memory. Peak performers can recall incidents in great detail. The golf champion recalls the exact lie of the ball on the 13th hole of a tournament; the chef recalls the texture of ingredients in a special dish; the dancer digs into their ‘muscle memory’ to recall the steps in a ballet they performed 20 years previously. Let’s explore where this happens for you.

* You can clarify the specific situation where you have a photographic memory.

“This exercise changed the direction of my career,” said one person. “For years I had made a living by facilitating workshops for companies, but then I began doing individual follow-up sessions with people. Suddenly I discovered that I had total recall about what happened in the one-to-one sessions - on both a visual and feeling level. I remembered every detail about the individuals - their personal background, experiences, talents, learning style, challenges, everything they said in the session. So I concentrated on doing more one-to-one coaching - which became my new career.”

Try tackling the exercises on this theme. Start by identifying the specific activity in which you have the equivalent of a photographic memory - then move onto the next step. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific situation where I have the equivalent of a photographic memory is:

*

* You can develop your skills where you have a photographic memory.

Photographic memory is only the start – you also need the right skills to capitalise on this gift. One famous footballer had almost total recall of what happened in matches, for example, but it took time for him to learn how to use this ability when becoming a manager. During the early days of his managerial career he gave the players specific feedback about their performances. He only highlighted their mistakes, however, which he recounted in great detail. It took several years of pain - and poor results - before he shifted his philosophy. He then developed the skills required to help players to build on their strengths, whilst also tackling areas for improvement. Try tackling the second part of the exercise, which asks you to do two things. First, describe the skills you already have in this area. Second, describe the other skills you want to develop to make good use of the talent. Try completing the following sentences.

The skills I already have in the situation where I have a photographic memory are:

*

*

*

The skills I want to develop in order to capitalise on where I have a photographic memory are:

*

*

*

* You can keep putting yourself into the kind of situation where you have a photographic memory.

Nicky had difficulties at school - but then it was discovered she had a form of dyslexia. Backed by supportive parents, however, she excelled in drama and organising social events. Leaving college, she took a job selling over the phone, before joining a fledgling computer company. Showing a great aptitude for sales, she has become their top account director. Nicky knows everything about her customers and puts together packages that enable them to achieve success. She can recall virtually every deal she has done in her life - both inside and outside work. She is committed to constant improvement, however, and continues to build on her ‘A’ talent. One day Nicky may run her own company, but for the moment she is aiming to become the ‘best account director in the world’.

How can you keep putting yourself into the situations where you have a photographic memory? How can you keep developing? How can you deliver peak performance? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to keep putting myself into the kind of situation where I have a photographic memory are:

*

*

*

3 tips for being a good co-ordinator

Great teams always have a co-ordinator. Why? Getting creative people to combine their talents can be challenging at the best of times. The co-ordinator’s role is to ensure people channel their talents towards achieving the team’s goal. Let’s see how this works in practice.

Clarity is vital. The leader’s role is to chart the way towards achieving the picture of perfection. The team member’s job is to clarify their best contribution and commit to achieving the goals. They must then do creative work, co-operate and achieve concrete results. Sounds simple in theory - but things can go wrong, especially during the creative work stage. Strong orchestration is vital - otherwise individuals may do their own thing.

“But isn’t that the leader’s job?” somebody may ask. Great leaders often follow the STAGE Model of leadership. This covers the Strategy, Tactics, Administration, Grunt Work and Emotional aspects of teamwork. They focus on the strategic and emotional leadership - whilst hiring the right people to manage the tactics, administration and grunt work. Great leaders have a co-ordinator who makes this happen - otherwise they get sucked down into fire-fighting. Let’s explore three of the key steps in being a good co-ordinator.

* You can establish clarity.

Clarity is crucial if you are going to play the role successfully. Start by clarifying: a) The leader’s specific goals - the picture of perfection; b) The strategy for achieving the goals; c) The leader’s role in reaching the goals and the role they want you to play as the co-ordinator. Clarify the Dos & Don’ts involved in your role. Good leaders communicate your role to the team. People then know your areas of accountability, autonomy and authority.

Credibility is also crucial - especially in the eyes of the team members. Good co-ordinators gain respect by showing: a) Showing they respect the team members and their knowledge; b) Showing they want to support people, rather than becoming a hindrance; c) Showing some early successes - such as getting resources, removing obstacles or producing quick visible results.

* You can do the co-ordination.

Good co-ordinators ask questions such as: “What are the results we want to achieve - the picture of perfection? What are the resources available? What is each person’s ‘A’ talent? How can we co-ordinate these talents to achieve the goal? What support will they need to achieve success? How can I provide this support? What are the Dos and Don’ts with each person? How can I make clear contracts with them about their contribution towards achieving the goal?”

Good co-ordinators then make things happen. They are like sheepdogs, especially with knowledge workers who may fall into following their own agendas. Approaching such a person, they say things like: “Tell me how things are going……That is interesting. Now, remember the agreed picture of perfection. Is that something you still want to contribute towards achieving? If so, can you get back to me as to how you would like to continue contributing towards achieving the goals? Then I will provide the support you need. Great if you can get back to me within the next day.” Like sheepdogs, they are friendly, but sometimes bare their teeth. They get away with it because the team members respect them - and also know they can be tough.

* You can deliver concrete results.

Good co-ordinators get some early wins, rather than embark on long process analyses. Success breeds success. It also buys time to tackle the more long-standing challenges. Good co-ordinators see their role as proactive - rather than that of a glorified progress-chaser. So build-in weekly meetings with the leader to look ahead to the next week, the month, the next quarter. Clarify the challenges facing the team and agree on the potential solutions. Some team members may try to split you - like a child approaching different parents till they get the ‘right answer’. The co-ordinator may also need to ‘manage’ the leader - to ensure that person makes their best contribution to the business.

“When it was first mentioned to me, I did not understand the role of the co-ordinator,” said one leader. “Looking back at my earlier career, however, I realized my best work had been when I had someone who made things happen. They are now the first person I look for when taking over a new team. A good co-ordinator is worth their weight in gold.”

Great leaders and co-ordinators get their act together. They know that clarity is the starting point for any venture. But co-ordination is the bridge to producing concrete results.

3 tips for building on where you see patterns quickly

“Pattern recognition is one of the keys to peak performance,” we are told. You may have this gift when looking at a balance sheet, caring for a patient, re-designing a house, selling to a certain kind of customer or whatever. Let’s consider how you can capitalise on this ability.

* You can clarify where you see patterns quickly.

“Retail is in my blood,” said one person. “Put me into any shop and I will boost sales. It’s easy to see what is working, what isn’t working and how to improve the profit. You can then get some quick wins. The ‘givens’ are offering the right product at the right price in the right way. Store layout is crucial, however, as is providing great service. Improving the customer’s experience will virtually always boost the profits. Providing you give the staff some key principles to follow - plus a monthly profit share - they will enthusiastically start selling. Retail still excites me because it is like theatre.”

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Start by describing the specific situation where you see patterns quickly. The more specific you are, the greater the chances of building on this activity and achieving success.

The specific situation where I see patterns quickly is when I am:

*

* You can clarify what you are doing right to see patterns quickly.

How can you explain what you seem to do intuitively? People have different approaches when doing the activity which they perform brilliantly. If you are a ‘visual’ person, for example, you will scan the situation quickly to:

a) Clarify the desired outcome – the picture of success.
b) Clarify the successful patterns – the things that are going well and can be built on – and clarify the self-defeating patterns.
c) Clarify how to build on the successful patterns - and eliminate the self-defeating patterns - to achieve the picture of success.

Everybody has a different approach - so try to describe your way. Recognising what you do ‘intuitively’ enables you to use that framework more quickly. You will also be able to explain your philosophy and principles to other people. Whilst it may be challenging to translate your intuition into words, try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I do when I am in the situation where I see patterns quickly are:

*

*

*

* You can keep building on your ability to see patterns quickly.

Why is pattern recognition so important? Seeing patterns enables you to get to the heart of the matter and predict what will happen - which increases your chances of success. Great goal scorers in sport, for example, anticipate where the ball is likely to be played. They then move to the place ‘where the ball will appear’. How can you apply your gift? Describe the specific things you can do to build on your ability to see patterns quickly. You will then be more likely to make full use of your ‘A’ talent. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to keep building on where I have the ability to see patterns quickly are:

*

*

*

3 tips for beating the 'double-bind'

Have you ever been in a double-bind? The double-bind is a situation in which – not matter you do – you seem bound to lose. Double-binds cause great pain in the family and at work. Here are three suggestions for overcoming such situations.

* You can recognise the double-bind.

Let’s explore some double-binds. A child used a pawn between rowing parents, for example, will feel they cannot win. In the worst scenario, the mother says: “If you love me more than your father, come to me.” Father says: “If you love me more than your mother, come to me.” The child has an impossible choice. Showing favour to one parent will incur the wrath of the other. Both options are painful. Retreating into their private world is often their only salvation.

Double-binds also occur in our relationships at work. A strong signal that you are entering such territory is when you feel a knot in your stomach. Something happened - either between you and a manager, in a meeting, or elsewhere - which makes you feel uneasy. Examining the situation in detail, you find that you have been placed in a position where, whatever you do, you are bound to lose.

Some people even put themselves in double-binds. For example, they use 50% of their energy thinking of a positive way forward in their lives; then employ the other 50% knocking it down by worrying about what can go wrong. Confusing? Yes, but some people experience this inner-dialogue - and it becomes debilitating.

The first step is to recognise the double-bind. Simply giving a name to it puts the situation ‘outside’ yourself. You are not to ‘blame’ and can move onto the next step.

* You can do your best to beat the double-bind.

Clear contracting is the best way to untangle the double-bind. Start by contracting with yourself. Bearing in mind what you can and can’t control, clarify: a) The things I do want to do in this situation. b) The things I don’t want to do in this situation. Then make an action plan for going forward.

Imagine that you normally spend Christmas holidays with your parents. Looking back on previous festive visits, they start well, then lapse into boredom. September arrives and your parents will phone any day, inviting you for two weeks. Prepare your reply: “I am happy to come for two days. Then my partner and I are going to take a break overseas in the sunshine.” “But I have already ordered the turkey,” may be the response. Stand firm. Tough perhaps, but it is one way to move forward in the relationship.

Imagine a difficult professional situation—perhaps working at a desk next to a negative colleague. They are addicted to misery and are constantly whinging. If you remain quiet, you get depressed. If you ask them to stop moaning, they say: “Aren’t I allowed to express my feelings?” You can try to make clear contracts with them about how you would like them to behave in the future - and outline the benefits. Sometimes this approach works - but frequently it doesn’t. The people causing the pain are not open to ‘win-wins’ - they are stuck in ‘win-lose’ or ‘lose-lose’. When in doubt, choose the route forward that will, in the long term, cause you the least pain.

* You can recognise potential future double-binds.

Survivors develop the ‘radar’ to spot double-binds when these appear on the horizon. They recognise that avoiding such pain can save lots of energy. For example, you may apply for a manager’s job and be given the message:

“This is a great opportunity to show your leadership skills. There are many bright people in the team, but they come across as cynical. The last 3 managers failed to motivate them and, as a result, the team didn’t reach its targets. The company is trying to save money and it is not an option to make these people redundant. So this will be a good test of your motivational skills.”

Watch out! Try tackling the exercise called Beating the double-bind. First, describe where you may experience a ‘no win’ situation. Second, describe the factors that mean that, whatever you do, you are likely to lose. Third, describe the steps you can take to beat the double-bind. Prevention is better than cure. Spot the potential double-binds ahead of time and, wherever possible, set-up situations to succeed.

3 tips for being at your best at big moments

“Great performers produce great work on great occasions,” we are told. Some people have a positive approach at critical moments - others become paralysed. As Martin Luther King Jr. said:

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Imagine you are going to face a tough situation in the future. Let’s explore how you can be at your best when it happens.

* You can clarify your successful pattern at big moments.

Looking back on your life, recall the times when you have performed well at big moments. You may have been giving a presentation, passing an exam, playing crucial match, solving a crisis or whatever. Looking at each of these situations, what did you do right then to be successful? Can you see any patterns? Try completing the following sentences.

Looking back, the times when I have performed well at big moments have been:

*

*

*

Looking at these examples, my successful pattern for performing well at such big moments is:

*

*

*

* You can rehearse being at your best at a future big moment.

“I always practice before giving tough news to patients,” said one doctor. “During our training we did little on the ‘human side of medicine’, so I took the initiative to attend many workshops on the topic. Every doctor has their own way of giving difficult messages. It may be routine for them - but each time is special for each patient. I normally say something like: ‘I am afraid it is not good news. This is the situation …… And here are your options.’ Normally the patient has prepared themselves for the news. But the way you communicate means a lot for them and their family.”

Describe the potential critical moments that you may face in the future. Focus on one crucial time and do two things. First, clarify the real results you want to achieve in the situation. Second, describe how you can do your best. Try completing the follow exercise.

Looking ahead, the big moment I may face in the future is:

*
The specific results I want to achieve at the big moment are:

*

*

*
The specific things I can do to perform well at the big moment are:

*

*

*

* You can be at your best during the big moment.

The true test comes when you are in the midst of the tough situation. Suddenly you think: “This is no longer theory. It is actually happening. Now it is up to me to behave in the way that I believe-in.” Eleanor Roosevelt said: "People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." Be true to yourself, follow your principles and do your best during the critical moment. This is your opportunity to grow as a person. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to concentrate and keep doing my best during the midst of the big moment are:

*

*

*

3 tips for focusing on excitement

“‘Do what you find exciting’ is a simple rule, but it is so easy to forget – especially during the ‘middle years’,” said one person. “Many people become numb and start to settle for the mundane. Sometimes it takes years – or a big shock – before they relight the fires in their lives and work.”

Certainly many people feel excited during their younger years. Every day is an adventure. They explore, travel and learn. Some people keep this ‘tingle factor’ alive. Some let it rest for awhile, then pick it up again late on in life when they enter their ‘second spring’. Let’s explore how you can continue to hit the heights throughout your life.

* You can clarify what you find exciting.

What do you find exciting in your life and work? When do you live the ‘A’ life – feeling alive – rather than the ‘B’ or ‘C’ life, feeling bored or cramped? When does this happen in your personal life? You may feel exhilarated when writing, painting, skiing, bungee-jumping, cooking, travelling, inventing, creating, teaching, exploring or whatever. When does it happen in your professional life? You may love working with stimulating people on stimulating projects. What are the warning signs that all is not going well? You may get headaches, forget things, feel lethargic, lose the spring in your step or whatever. What do you then do to re-take charge of your life? Try completing the following sentence.

The things I find exciting are:

*

*

*

* You can do the things you find exciting.

Start by looking ahead in your life. What are the exciting things you plan to do in the next month?

“That question shook me,” said one person. “Looking ahead, I saw a wasteland – work, commuting, work, commuting. I used to love working – but then it became boring: people sitting in rooms pretending to make decisions. So I changed job within the company and launched a ground-breaking product. The deadline was tight, but the role was fulfilling. Looking at my personal life, I returned to playing the piano, which I found both exciting and healing. My wife and I also decided to spend more time in Cornwall. Something happens when I cross the Tamar Bridge. Maybe it is simply recalling my childhood holidays, but suddenly I feel freer. The biggest change, however, has been in my attitude. Nowadays I look to the month ahead and plan how to inject excitement into my life.”

“But what about the joy of being caught by surprise – doesn’t that have a part to play?” somebody may ask. Of course, but sometimes ‘spontaneity takes a lot of planning’. Such planning involves developing the habit of stimulating your mind, body and soul. Try completing the following sentence.

The steps I can take to do more of the things I find exciting are:

*

*

*

* You can keep doing the things you find exciting.

How can you maintain the good habits? How can you stay on the crest of the waves? Remember Charles Handy’s view of The Sigmoid Curve. (See illustration.) People, organisations and societies often drift down the declining side of the curve before they come to their senses. They need to continually surf the waves to develop, rather than die.

“Three years ago I had an alarm call,” said one person. “Previously I had always been super professional with clients – then something happened. On several occasions I was almost late for a client appointment or failed to rehearse the meeting properly. Quick thinking retrieved the situations, but I heeded the warning signs. I had become bored. Looking at my client list, I began spending more time with those I found stimulating, which generated more work with these people. Since then I have got into the habit of doing quarterly checks to ensure I am doing fulfilling work.”

How can you keep surfing the sigmoid curve? How can you keep doing the things that give you a buzz? Excitement is crucial if we are to stay awake, alert and alive. Try completing the following sentence.

The steps I can take to keep doing the things I find exciting are:

*

*

*

3 tips for getting positive energy

Energy is life. So what gives you positive energy? What gives you negative energy? How can you get more positive energy in the future? You may then be able to give even more to other people. Let’s explore three steps for making this happen.

* You can clarify the things that give you positive energy.

Start by describing the things you find stimulating. For example, the people, projects and pleasures that put a spring into your step. Later we will look at how you can do more of these things in the future.

People who are ‘Givers’ sometimes find it hard to give to themselves. Sheila Cassidy is such a ‘Giver’. During the 1970s she was imprisoned in Chile for providing medical care to opponents of the Pinochet regime. Returning to the UK after being tortured, she went on to become Medical Director of St Luke’s Hospice in Plymouth. Sheila gave to others, but starved herself of pleasures. Hard work took its toll, however, and she began taking more care of herself. Writing in her book Sharing The Darkness, Sheila explains:

“Perhaps the final fall from my self-styled perch of grace came at the beginning of the winter season when Brideshead Revisited was serialised for television. Until then I had stalwartly refused to have more than a transistor radio and tape recorder, but now I could bear it no longer and rushed into town to buy myself a TV.”

Sheila found that, far from corrupting her contribution, she gave even more to other people. Try completing the follow exercise.

The things that give me positive energy are:

*

*

*

* You can clarify the things that give you negative energy.

Stimulation is crucial - but sometimes it can also be good to identify what saps your energy. Describe things you find draining, such as serial complainers, ‘observer critics’ or whatever. Try completing the following exercise.

The things that give me negative energy are:

*

*

*

* You can do more of the things that give you positive energy.

“Nowadays I spend more time with encouragers,” said one person. “They help me to feel more real, more myself. Music also lifts my soul. So now I start the day with upbeat music, rather than listening to bad news on the radio. During my twenties I became so depressed that I made Eeyore look cheerful. Certainly I keep abreast of current events, but now I focus on doing what I can to improve the world.”

Looking to the future, you may want to consider two things. First, do more of the things that are inspiring. Second, stop doing some of the things that are draining. Try combining these elements to complete the following exercise.

The steps I can take to do more of the things that give me positive energy are:


*

*

*

People can choose their attitude. They can choose to be givers or takers, creators or complainers, encouragers or stoppers. Givers also need encouragement, however, so it is important to keep getting positive energy. You will then have even more encouragement to give to other people.

3 tips for creating opportunities to use your strengths

“I’d like to use my talent more at work – but I’m not sure how to do it,” somebody may say. “My present role is okay, but the fulfilment factor is only 6/10. Promotion is a possibility, but I will get bored in meetings. The time has come to return to work that gives me a buzz. So how can I get paid for doing what I do best?”

Imagine you face this kind of challenge. You want to use your ‘A’ talent, but it’s hard to find your perfect niche. Three main routes stand out. You can focus on your present role, craft a potential role or generate possible new audiences. Let’s explore these options.

* You can develop your present role.

You can try to use your ‘A’ talent more in your present role. Sounds attractive but, unless you are already in your perfect role, the chances are around 3/10. Why? There are two reasons. First, roles are often ‘historical’ and were designed ‘to win the last war’. Second, roles consist of many ‘givens’. Countless tasks are handed down by people higher in the organization and completing these may not always match your talents. How to tell if you are in the right niche? Looking at your present role, ask yourself the following question. “What percentage of my time do I use my ‘A’ talent?” The minimum figure you are looking for is 50%. You may then have the basis for expanding the role into one that is fulfilling. If not, you may wish to explore the second route. Before taking that step, however, try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to use my strengths more in my present role are:

*

*

*

* You can create a potential role.

You can craft a potential role that is a ‘win-win’ for both you and an employer. Providing you have enlightened employers, the chances are around 6/10. The key is convincing potential sponsors. How to make this happen? Decision-makers always want improve their profitability, product quality and people. Show how what you offer will improve some or all of these factors. Focus on the ‘results’, rather than the role. One tip: Do not go with an ‘idea’ - go with your first 3 customers. People buy benefits: so show how crafting a new contribution will improve the business. Sometimes this approach works, sometimes you may move onto the third route. Before taking that step, however, try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to create a potential role that is a ‘win-win’ for myself and an employer are:

*

*

*

* You can find or generate possible new audiences.

You can find or create new audiences that appreciate what you do best. This is the route taken by many pioneers in business, the arts, sports and other fields. The chances of success are 7+/10. This new audience may be inside or outside your present organisation. You will have to work hard at making this happen. Continually reach out to potential sponsors and use your strengths to help them succeed. Somebody will eventually say: “How can we take this further?” Sounds idealistic? Maybe, but it works. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to find or generate possible new audiences are:

*

*

*

People sometimes explore all three routes before finding the best way to express their strengths. Let’s explore how this works. Imagine you are a backing singer in the musical Chicago, but want to make a career singing soul music. Certainly you can inject soul into your nightly role, but it may not be fully satisfying. You can approach the Director to show how doing a solo spot will be a ‘win-win’ and contribute to achieving the musical’s goals. But ultimately you may need to generate an audience for your soul music. Performing in clubs on Sunday nights can build a following, sell your music and eventually lead to your own show. Pioneers frequently take this third route - they find sponsors who will pay them for doing what they do best.

3 tips for being a positive model

“People learn from what we do, not from what we say,” is the motto. Looking back in your life, who were your positive models? What did you learn from these people? Let’s explore the importance of modelling.

* You can recognise the power of positive modelling.

How can you be a good model in your life and work? Children learn from their parents; employees take their cue from the tone set by their leader. One picture of positive modelling is worth a thousand words. Sometime this is good; sometimes it is bad.

“Twenty years ago I saw the damage done by setting a bad example,” said Paul, the chief executive of a hospital group. “The staff in the hospital where I worked spent months preparing for an important visit from a Health Minister. He arrived half-an-hour late, but still sat in his car smoking. He then rushed through the hospital in 15 minutes, only stopping to grab a photo opportunity with a patient. The staff knew about the Minister’s foibles - that he was considerably overweight and could be rude - but were still crestfallen. They questioned the value of their work when somebody so disinterested was deciding the health service’s future. We returned to the job in-hand - taking care of our patients - but the experience taught me about the distress caused by setting a bad example.”

“Now I aim to act as a good model,” said Paul. “Visiting the hospitals, I plan it like a military operation. I build-in time to talk with the security guards, receptionists, patients in reception, cleaners, nurses, doctors, admin staff and anybody else I can meet. Why? Our job is about providing the right medical care and the ‘personal touch’. I am paid to make decisions - sometimes involving life and death - but I love visiting the hospitals. Our staff and patients are human beings with feelings - and each person wants to feel valued. So it makes sense for me to set a good example.”

Let’s return to your life and work. What is the area in which you would like to act as a positive model? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific activity in which I want to be a positive model is:

*

* You can clarify the specific things you can do to be a positive model.

This is a life-time task for most of us - because we all make mistakes. Yet it is something we aspire to achieve - whether it is by being a good parent, teacher, manager or whatever.

“I used to fly off the handle when things went wrong,” said one manager, “but then one day I got a shock. Somebody said: ‘Do you realise that you act like a bully?’ That was the last thing I intended, so I immediately changed my behaviour. Nowadays I count to 10 when faced by a crisis. This seems to have rubbed-off on my team members who have also become calmer in difficult situations.”

Let’s return to the activity in which you want to be a good model. Do two things. First, describe the specific things you can do to behave as a good model. Second, describe the benefits – both for yourself and other people. Try completing the following sentences.

The specific things I can do to be a positive model in this activity are:

*

*

*

The benefits of doing this will be:

*

*

*

* You can be a positive model – and sometimes see the benefits.

Go out and do your best; because that is all you can ever do. Sometimes you will see immediate effects, but sometimes the results may take years.

“The joy of teaching is that you plant many seeds - and sometimes you see them grow,” said one educator. “But the real pleasure is that many students learn - then plant the seeds in their own way - miles away in places you will never visit. That, of course, is nature’s way. Human beings are hooked on seeing immediate results in front of their eyes—but they must learn from how nature pollinates. Several times a year I receive letters from old students. Each letter usually starts: ‘I am not sure if you remember me, but I learned so much from your classes. I now try to inspire other people in the way that you inspired me.’ This is humbling, but we never forget a good teacher.”

You may have had a similar experience. One day somebody says how much they learned from you in the past. Whatever you do, accept the compliment. They may have spent years waiting to pass-on their thanks. Everybody learns from parents, teachers, leaders and other models - and many of us owe much to the power of positive modelling.

So how can you turn your intentions into actions? You know ‘what’ you want to do and ‘how’ you want to do it. Now comes the ‘when’. Conclude by making a specific action plan for being a good model. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific plans I have for being a positive model are:

*

*

*

3 tips for being able to flow - rather than freeze

Think of a situation in which you want to flow, rather than freeze. You may be giving a keynote speech, singing in a musical, playing in a cup final or whatever. Here are three things you can do to be at your best - rather than be consumed by fear, flee or become frustrated. Fighting spirit may well be needed. But it is important to fight fair, rather than dirty. This will provide the springboard for you to flow and succeed.

* You can rehearse the situation in which you want to flow.

“Ever since I was 6 years old, I had imagined sinking the final putt to win a major championship,” said the professional golfer. “Now the moment had arrived. People said the crowd became hushed, but I never noticed. Going inside my ‘bubble’, I went through the old routine. This was just me, the ball, the green and the hole. Breathing calmly, I remembered the putts I had holed - rather than those I had missed - and concentrated on the moment. Swinging the putter, I made perfect contact - and watched the ball travel into the hole. All hell broke loose and I collapsed in a heap.”

How can you rehearse properly? Picture the situation in which you want to flow---then go through the following steps.

a) Start from the destination - the end goal. Clarify the picture of perfection. Describe what you want people to be saying, feeling and thinking after you have finished. Focus on the real results you want to achieve.

b) Return to the beginning - the time before you enter the ‘arena’ - and map out the total journey. Describe how you will prepare. List every step in detail. Move onto the day of the ‘performance’. Consider how you will get yourself into the right frame of mind. How will you enter the arena? Describe how you will behave in the first minute, ten minutes and so on. Continue until you have completed the performance.

c) Clarify how you will ‘flow’ when you are ‘on stage’. Looking back on your life, recall times when you have done your best in similar situations. What did you do right then? Looking ahead, how can you follow similar principles during the ‘performance’? Once you are happy with your plans, throw in some curve balls. Consider the potential difficult scenarios and, exploring each one in turn, clarify how you will get back on course. Continue until everything is covered. Then relax and look forward to the performance.

* You can go into the situation and flow.

In the film Billy Elliott, the hero is asked what he feels like when dancing. Billy finds it hard to reply at first, but then he says it is as if he ‘disappears’. “Like I feel a change in my whole body…And I’ve got this fire in my body….Like electricity.” Maybe he was describing ‘going into the zone’ - maybe about being able to flow. How can you do that in your chosen field?

Be fully present. Relax, re-centre and focus on the desired results. Be alert and use your antennae to be aware of what is happening. Do what ever it takes to get to 8/10. Then add that touch of class to achieve the 10/10. Flow, focus, finish and, maybe as a by-product, find fulfilment.

* You can re-centre after setbacks and recover your flow.

Great performers have what Arie de Geus called a ‘memory of the future’. They continually rehearse potential scenarios in their chosen field. When these events happen, they are several steps ahead of other people. Looking ahead to your ‘performance’, you will have rehearsed: a) The things that can go wrong - and how you will manage these difficulties; b) The things that can go right - and how you can build on these successes.

“Spontaneity takes a lot of planning,” we are told. You have anticipated the potential scenarios, so will have many solutions in your kit bag. What is something unexpected happens? Certainly you may quickly go through the stages of the ‘reactive change curve’: shock, denial, paralysis, anger, hurt, healing, new strength, new goals, hard work—then eventually success and self-confidence. But you must do it in half a second! Buy time - even if it is only for a few moments. Be calm, controlled and centred. Focus on the 3 C’s:

* Clarity.

Ask yourself: “What are the real results I want to achieve in this situation?” Be crystal-clear on your goal.

* Creativity.

Ask yourself: “What are the possible creative solutions? What are the consequences of each option? Which route do I want to follow?”

* Concrete results

Depending on the situation, do whatever you can to deliver concrete results.

Sounds simple in theory, but it can be difficult in practice. The key is to be calm, buy time and consider your options. Be fully present - then do your best to reach the goal. Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won’t -but it is vital to be true to yourself. You are then more likely to flow, rather than freeze.

3 tips for recognising warning signs

Peak performers love working hard - but they must also heed warning signs. Different people get different symptoms when events get out of control. They may get headaches, forget appointments, get acne, neglect their family, feel exhausted or whatever. Here are three suggestions for learning from such signals.

* You can recognise the warning signs.

Try tackling the later exercise on this theme. Describe what for you are the potential warning signs. Sometimes you will know the reasons why, sometimes you won’t, but we will explore that later.

“Every Friday night I got a splitting headache in my left temple,” said one person. “Despite working hard during the week - and feeling tired - I only get the headache when driving home on Friday. Visiting a chiropractor to deal with another problem, I asked about the headaches. She found a tight nerve in my right shoulder, which was where the pressure was located. She taught me how to massage the muscle, which eased the stress, but also taught me to recognise the symptoms earlier. I have always been ‘duty driven’. Sometimes it feels like I am responsible for taking care of my family, my team and my mother. Without getting into ‘fluffy’ territory, I decided to take some time for myself and not carry the world on my shoulders. That meant saying ‘Yes,’ to some things and ‘No’ to others. Now I have been free from headaches for the past 2 years.”

So what are your symptoms? Try completing the following sentence.

The warning signs I get are:


*

*

*

* You can understand the reasons behind the warning signs.

The symptoms can provide a wake-up call. After clarifying your warning signs, describe what may lie behind the symptoms. You may be working hard with little time for recovery; be working on the wrong project; be surrounded by negative people or whatever. Sometimes the reason is obvious, sometimes it is more difficult to find.

One footballer with a good disciplinary record got himself sent off twice in a month. Nobody could understand why. He was always the first to training, the last to leave and would do anything for the team. But the answer lay in front of our eyes. Over the past month he had been asked to play out of position. At first it seemed to work, but he actually felt extremely uncomfortable.

“My head is in a whirl, because I strain to remember the manager’s instructions,” he said. “That isn’t the case when I’m playing in my natural position - because I don’t have to think and I enjoy the game. Now I get confused trying to remember the instructions, which leads to me making mistakes and getting upset with the referee. I’m counting the games to returning to my best position.”

The footballer’s problem was quite solvable - but the manager blamed himself for not spotting it earlier. Because the player always did his best, the manager took him for granted. The player served his suspension and, for the good of the team, volunteered to play one more game ‘out of position’. Strangely, because he now recognised what upset him, he had a storming game - but was grateful to return to his natural role on the field.

What do you think are the causes of your symptoms? Try completing the following sentence.

The reasons that may lie behind the warning signs could be:


*

*

*

* You can learn from the warning signs and take more care of yourself in the future.

Prevention is better than cure - so what can you do to learn from the warning signs? One person said.

“My wake-up call came after getting prosecuted for speeding twice in 5 minutes. Suddenly I had 6 points on my licence. There was no point in arguing that previously the cameras had never been turned-on. I was responsible and accepted the consequences. So I bought a ‘Road Angel’, stuck to the speed limit and felt much better. Now I see the prosecution has a blessing. Previously I had been addicted to speeding at over 80 on the motorway. Fortunately I had never hurt myself or, worse still, maimed other people. The wake-up call taught me to be more considerate towards myself and other people.”

How can you look after yourself in the future? Try completing the following sentence.

The things I can do to take more care of myself in the future are:


*

*

*

Peak performers work hard, but they also learn from setbacks. Vulnerability can be a great teacher - providing we take heed from the lessons contained in the warning signs.

3 tips for focusing on strengths, sponsors and success

“The world of work keeps changing,” people may say, “so how can we help people to shape their futures? It is hard to know what skills they must learn to be successful.” Perhaps, but as the saying goes: ‘the more things change, the more things stay the same.’ At least, some things stay the same. For example, freelancers have followed certain themes throughout history. They have built on their strengths, found sponsors who paid them and delivered success. People who develop such eternal skills are more likely to shape their futures. Let’s explore how this works in practice.

* You can build on your strengths.

Michelangelo, Anita Roddick and Steve Jobs had at least one thing in common. They all built on their strengths. They did what they did best and got somebody to pay them for doing it. This has been a key skill throughout history. Some customers will always be interested in buying quality - and the best way of producing quality is to develop your top talents. The Strengths Toolbox provides many exercises for identifying what you do best, but you will obviously find your own way. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to build on my strengths are:

*

*

*

* You can find sponsors.

Anybody can do work they love, the art is to get somebody to pay you for doing it. Creative artists have had faced this challenge throughout history. They have asked themselves: “Shall I be true to my art, stay in a garret and wait to be discovered? Shall I publicise my services, sell my soul and do whatever is necessary for money? Shall I be true to myself, find patrons and try to get a ‘win-win’ solution?” People will continue to face this challenge in the future.

So how do you find sponsors who will pay you for doing what you do best? There are several rules. a) To understand the sponsor’s agenda - their picture of success; b) To provide services or products that will help them to achieve success; c) To reach out to these sponsors and show you understand their agenda; d) To make clear working contracts about how you can help them to achieve success. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to find sponsors who will pay me for doing what I do best are:


*

*

*

* You can deliver success.

“My role is to help my sponsor to reach their goals,” said one freelancer. “I go through several steps when working for a person or organisation. a) To make sure I really want to work for them. b) To make clear contracts about what must be delivered. c) To keep them informed, go the extra mile and provide great service. Going through these steps produces lots of repeat business.” Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to help my sponsors to achieve success are:


*

*

*

“Change is the only certainty in the world of work,” we are told. Perhaps, but there is another certainty. People will need to build on their strengths, find sponsors and deliver success. Developing these eternal skills will enable them to shape a positive future.

3 tips for being a good encourager

Everybody needs encouragement. So how can you be a good encourager? How can you help a person to become the best kind of artist, engineer, teacher or whatever they want to be? How can you discover what gives them energy? How can you help them to excel? Good encouragers are like good educators. They focus on the three E’s: encouragement, enterprise and excellence. Let’s explore how you can follow these steps when helping another person.

* You can focus on encouragement.

Encouragement often starts on a basic level. The first stage calls for providing people with practical support, such as the materials for life -food, shelter and the ability to shape their future. The second stage calls for offering people psychological support. So how can you provide individuals with such encouragement?

Try tackling the exercise on this theme called My encouragers. This invites you to do three things. First, looking back on your life, write the names of 3 people who have encouraged you. For example, a parent, teacher, sports coach, manager, friend, writer, artist or whoever. Second, describe what they did right to be good encouragers. For example, they may have made you feel the centre of the world, identified your talents and, when necessary, given tough messages. Third, bearing these principles in mind, describe how you can encourage other people. Everybody is different, of course, so it is obviously important to check with them how they want to be encouraged.

* You can focus on enterprise.

Good encouragers are like good educators. Looking at a person, they ask themselves: “When does the person ‘come alive’? When do they take initiatives? What are the activities in which they are ‘in their element’? When do they show a sense of enterprise?” George Lyward, a pioneer in child care, used to say: "You have to look for what Antoine St. Exupery called 'The Murdered Mozart' in each person. Look for the golden moments when they become fascinated by an activity. A person may be painting, playing football or whatever. Help them to discover what they are doing right. Help them to find and follow their natural discipline. They can then create more of those golden moments. Help the person to become the best kind of Mozart they can be."

* You can focus on excellence.

Good educators build on a person’s positive energy and help them to achieve excellence. They agree with the person on: a) The goals they want to achieve: b) The person’s role in achieving the goals: c) The help they want from the educator. They then work together to enable the person to achieve excellence. If appropriate, you can follow similar principles to help somebody to reach their goals. Certainly this works well if you are in a professional relationship, such as acting as a manager, mentor or coach. Personal relationships have a different dynamic - and it is important not to automatically move into a ‘coaching role’. There is nothing more annoying than somebody who tries to fix everybody else’s life! Sometimes it can be appropriate, however, to encourage a person along their road towards achieving excellence. Encouragers are on the side of life. They keep planting seeds of hope and we never forget a good encourager.

You can find many more ideas on this them in the book Strengths Coaching in 90 Minutes, which can be found here:

Book

3 tips for raising people's sights to show what is possible

“The key is to have high expectations of people,” said one of my teachers. “This rule applies whether you are working with delinquents, footballers, peak performers or whatever. But one point is vital. The key is to focus on the person’s strengths – the ‘elite’ 20% part of them – rather than the other parts. It is then important: 1) To raise people’s sights and show what is possible: 2) To help them to believe it is possible: 3) To enable them to make it possible.”

During the past 40 years I have practiced this approach in many different scenarios – and it works. When running a therapeutic community, for example, I expected the young people to visit universities and lecture about ‘how to help troubled young people’. They did – and got lots of plaudits. There are many other situations where this approach works. So let’s explore how you can follow these steps in your own way.

* You can raise people’s sights to show what is possible.

Can you think of a situation where you want to communicate high expectations to people? You may be running a counselling session, teaching a class, leading a team or whatever. Your expectations must, of course, be based on what you believe people can achieve – providing they work hard.

Sometimes this means communicating the guidelines ahead of time. For example, I explain to potential clients that I only work with people who are: a) positive; b) professional; b) prepared to work hard to be peak performers. This approach is positive but tough. People invariably respond well – but there have been occasions when it has been necessary to draw the line. If people lapse into game-playing, for instance, I suggest they would be better suited finding another person to work with them. Everybody can falter – but it is vital to focus on people’s strengths – what they can achieve – and have high expectations.

Great leaders tap into this vein all the time. They say things like: “I have a dream … We shall overcome … We are going to put a man on the moon, not because it is easy, but because it is hard.” They show what is possible. How can you do this in your own way? Start by thinking of a situation where you want to raise people’s sights. Bearing in mind their strengths, what do you think they can achieve? Try completing the following sentences.

The specific situation in which I want to raise people’s sights and show what it is possible to achieve is:

*

The specific goal I want to encourage them to believe it is possible to achieve is:

*

* You can help people to believe it is possible.

The belief must be based on reality – so how can you help people to believe it is possible to reach the goal?

a) You can encourage people to build on their strengths.

Everybody has talents. It is simply a question of spotting them – even if they only show these for a moment. You can look for when people ‘come alive’. When are they in their element – at ease and yet able to excel? What are the activities in which they deliver ‘As’, rather than ‘Bs’ or ‘Cs’? When do they take responsibility? What do they have a good track record of finishing? If they are experiencing a crisis, when have they overcome setbacks in the past? What did they do right then? How can they tap into this inner strength? How can they follow these principles to overcome setbacks both now and in the future?

b) You can encourage people to ‘control the controllables’.

Imagine you are leading a team. You can encourage people to do three things. First, to clarify what they can control – such as their attitude, professionalism, the way they communicate, etc. Second, to clarify what they can’t control – such as the market - though they can still do their best to influence it. Third, to clarify how they can build on what they can control and manage what they can’t. Positive people focus on what they can control – and build on it; negative people focus on what they can’t control – and complain about it.

c) You can encourage people to get an early success.

There are many different ways to get some early wins. Here is one example. During the 1980s I was the youth development officer for a football club in Sweden. We aimed to move the youth team’s ranking from number 120 to the top 30. After surveying the talent, I quickly got in five new players. The next step was to arrange an indoors tournament during the winter pre-season. We invited 3 teams from the Swedish top division, plus 4 other teams. (The big clubs accepted because we had a fine indoors pitch.) The tournament draw was arranged so that, providing our team played well, we would reach the semi-finals and pick up a medal. That is what happened. For the first time our players were on the same pitch as youngsters from the top Swedish clubs and also won enough matches to get medals. The club’s board were impressed and gave us money to buy more players.

It is vital to engender belief – whether you are working with individuals, a team or a company. But this must be based on reality. One approach is to build on their strengths, control the controllables and get an early success. Let’s return to the specific situation in which you want to raise people’s sights. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to encourage people to believe it is possible to reach the goal are:

*

* You can enable people to make it possible.

People must now do the hard work. From your side, this is where your skills as an educator will come to the fore. Providing you have laid the groundwork properly, you will have equipped them: a) to build on the right strengths; b) to set the right specific goal and strategy; c) to develop the right skills to achieve success. This does not mean your work is over. You may will provide ongoing encouragement, coaching and other support. Ultimately, however, it was not Gandhi who gained Indian Independence; Martin Luther King who won civil rights; John F. Kennedy who landed on the moon. Such leaders may have shown what was possible – but it was the people who did the work. Great coaches can play their part, however, by encouraging, educating and enabling individuals and teams to achieve success. How can you do this in your own way? Let’s return to the specific situation in which you want to raise people’s sights. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to encourage, educate & enable people to reach the goal are:

*

During the 1960s and 70s much of my work was based on ‘expectation theory’. I expected the teenagers in the therapeutic community to be able to ‘lecture’ students and teachers at university. Moving to Sweden, I ran 5 day workshops on ‘personal strengths building’. People came along expecting to develop their talents. Invited to work in Swedish schools with 14 year-old ‘troublesome’ kids, I expected them to understand English and build on their strengths. Perhaps this was unreasonable but, strangely, it seemed to work. They rose to the challenge. Nowadays I work with peak performers. The expectation is clear: to build on their strengths and build super teams. Fortunately they seem to respond.

Everybody has talents. The key is to focus on the best part of the person or the team - and to communicate high expectations. Providing people are building from a basis of belief, they love to stretch themselves. You can then enable them to achieve ongoing success.

You can find many more ideas on this theme at:

http//:www.thestrengthsway.com

3 tips for putting yourself in the place where you can use your instinct

Where do things ‘come naturally’ for you? It’s vital to put yourself in places where you can use your instinct – but you will also go much further in these situations. You will use you insight and intelligence to make a positive impact. Let’s explore these steps.

* You can use your instinct.

“Everything seemed to come naturally when I began teaching so-called difficult children,” said one person. “I tuned into the way they thought – but was also very tough. Later they gave feedback along the lines of: ‘You understood our background, but also raised our sights. For the first time we believed it was possible to do something with our lives.’ There are some jobs that you have a feeling for – and for me that was working with troubled children.”

Where do you able to use your instinct and make a positive impact? You may be gardening, teaching, building, selling to certain customers, fixing engines, solving certain problems, leading teams or whatever. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific situation where I feel able to use my instinct – and make a positive impact – is:

*

* You can use your insight.

Insight is the ability: a) To sum-up the situation quickly and get to the heart of the matter by seeing patterns: b) To go ‘A, B ---- then leap to --- Z’ and see the desired destination: c) To clarify the strategy for achieving the picture of perfection. Sometimes this insight happens in an instant. Great goal scorers in football, for example, seem to know instinctively where the ball is going to drop in the penalty area. Partly this stems from naturally ability but, as they grow older, they increase their ability to ‘read’ the game. Let’s return to the situation where feel ‘at home’. How do you use your insight? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I do to use my insight in the situation are:

*

*

*

* You can use your intelligence.

During the past twenty years it has become recognised that there are many different kinds of ‘intelligence’. (One of the best books on this subject is Thomas Armstrong’s Seven Kinds of Smart.) One common factor links the multiple intelligences – be these physical, linguistic, logical, musical, spatial, interpersonal or whatever. This is the ability to apply the intelligence to achieve success. This calls for being able: a) To draw on your natural talent; c) To draw on your knowledge and experience; c) To then have the ability to apply your chosen strategy successfully.

Let’s return to the situation where you build on your instinct and insight. How do you then use your intelligence to achieve success? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I do to apply my intelligence to achieve success in the situation are:

*

*

*

Peak performers put themselves into places where they use their instinct – plus their insight and intelligence. How can you do this in your own way? This will increase the opportunities to make a positive impact. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to keep putting myself into the places where I can use my instinct – and make a positive impact - are:

*

*

*

You can find-out more about Thomas Armstrong's excellent work at:

http://www.thomasarmstrong.com/

3 tips for choosing your mode for improving the world

Imagine that you want to do good work that improves the world. In the old days people were often told: “If you want to change the world, join an organisation - because they have the power to making things happen. If you want to change an organisation, join it - because then you can change it from within.” Sounds reasonable - but it is only part of the story. There are at least three modes for doing superb work. Improvements happen through the efforts of: 1) individuals; 2) interest groups; 3) institutions. Let’s explore these different vehicles for using your talents to build a better world.

* You can work as an individual contributor.

There are many ways to use your ‘A’ talent as an individual contributor. You can work as an artist, writer, journalist, inventor, entrepreneur, educator, carer, sole trader or whatever. Frequently it is individuals who light the fire that inspires other people. Rachel Carson helped to give birth to the environmental movement with her book Silent Spring. Jamie Oliver promoted healthy eating with his TV series about school dinners. Cicely Saunders launched the modern hospice movement in the UK by setting up St.Christophers Hospice.

Working as an individual has both pluses and minuses. The pluses include: feeling in control; using your strengths; setting your own goals; following your preferred working style; sensing ‘it is up to me’; feeling satisfied when reaching the goals. The minuses may include: feeling alone; having limited influence as an individual; needing a supportive infrastructure. Let’s move onto the second way of working.

* You can work as part of an interest group.

There are many different kinds of interest groups - people who combine their energies to pursue a certain agenda. You may immediately point to movements such as Amnesty International and Medecins Sans Frontieres. But some businesses also act as dynamic ‘interest groups’ that improve the world. Many companies claim this is their intention - but some can do so with greater authority. Some hi-tech companies, for example, can claim: a) to provide products that help people to take charge of their lives; b) to demonstrate more humanistic ways of working.

Working as part of an interest group has both pluses and minuses. The pluses include: combining with others to make a difference; setting clear goals; enjoying a back-up infrastructure; drawing strength from others; having greater leverage than when working alone. The minuses may include: losing some autonomy; infighting over conflicting agendas. Let’s move onto the third way of working.

* You can work as part of an institution.

There are many different kinds of institutions - such as large charities, organisations and companies. You may feel that your strengths are suited to such an environment. The pluses include: being part of something with massive leverage; having great resources; being able to affect many people’s lives; getting changes institutionalised in societies. The minuses may include: getting lost in the machine; meeting difficulty in changing the institution from within; spending masses of time on internal processes. Certainly it is possible to change institutions, but you must have the power to do radical surgery.

So how do improvements happen? Frequently they start with individuals who provide the ideas, models or prototypes. These are picked-up and implemented by interest groups. Finally, institutions may try to ensure these become part of daily life. People can contribute most by choosing their best way of working. Looking at the three modes, which one - or which combination - do you prefer? Choose the route that fits your ‘A’ talent and continue to build a better world. Try completing the following sentences.

My chosen mode for doing work that improves the world is:

*

The specific things I can do to pursue this mode and do good work that improves the world are:

*

*

*

3 tips for being a warrior-wizard

What are the activities in which you are a warrior-wizard? Warriors work hard and always deliver 8/10. Warrior-wizards also work hard, but add that touch of magic. Demonstrating strong discipline, they deliver at the defining moments. Making creative breakthroughs, they can produce the 10/10. Let’s explore where you have the ability.

* You can choose a specific activity in which you can be a warrior-wizard.

Where do you enjoy the grunt work as much as the great work? “I love everything about creating a meal,” said one chef. “I enjoy planning the menu, shopping for local produce, preparing the food, cooking it—of course—and serving the meal with panache. I have even learned to use the washing-up time to reflect on what could be improved. Then I look forward to creating the next menu.” Where does this happen for you? Focus on a specific activity where you enjoy the mundane work - yet can also add that touch of magic. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific activity in which I can be a warrior-wizard is:

*

* You can put yourself into more situations where you can be a warrior-wizard.

How can you capitalise on this ability? “Sometimes it takes courage to use your ‘A’ talent,” explained one teacher. “Some people ‘play safe’ by using their ‘B’ or even ‘C’ talent. Sounds crazy, but if they use their ‘A’ talent and ‘fail’, then they have no excuse. Some people like to have a life-excuse. They can then say: ‘I could have been a contender.’ Dare to use your top talent.” What is your ‘A’ talent? How can you stretch yourself even more and go into new dimensions? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to put myself into more situations where I can be a warrior-wizard are:

*

* You can keep improving as a warrior-wizard.

The good coach encourages the athlete to reflect after a competition. They say: “Go home, relax and let the lessons sink in. Then look back at today’s performance and evaluate: a) What you did well - and how you can keep doing these things; b) What you can do better in the future - and how. Athletes are only as good as their next performance.” How can you continue developing? How can you keep enjoying the sweat and delivering star performances? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to keep improving as a warrior-wizard are:

*

3 tips for employing 'the second empathy'

Great coaches have two kinds of empathy. The first empathy is with people’s actual situation. The second empathy is with people’s aspirations. Empathy is being able to see, feel and experience the world from another person’s point of view. Great coaches enable motivated people to make the transition between their actual situation and their aspirations. Let’s explore how to make this happen.

* You can employ the first empathy and focus on the person’s actual situation.

Imagine you are coaching somebody who has experienced a setback. The ‘classical’ approach is to spend considerable time showing the person you understand their situation. But the key point is: for how long? If you move-on too quickly, they may feel you have not respected their feeling. If you linger too long, however, you give the problem too much power. Your aim is to enable a person to take control of their life - rather than to become a victim.

Great coaches may only need a few minutes to make a person feel welcome and tune into their world. They then encourage the person to choose whether: a) they want to dwell on their misfortune or; b) they want to direct their future. They accept the authenticity of the person’s feelings. But then, when appropriate, begin helping them to explore their future options. So imagine you are coaching somebody who has experienced a setback. How can you connect with the person – but also be ready to help them to move forward? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to demonstrate empathy with a person’s actual situation are:

*

* You can employ the second empathy and focus on the person’s aspirations.

Somebody who has suffered a setback may need time in a sanctuary to lick their wounds. They can then emerge to shape their future and achieve success. You can work with them on:

a) Their short-term aspirations.

People want to feel in control – so help them to ‘control the controllables’. After suffering a setback - such as redundancy, loss or illness – resilient people take charge of their feelings, finances and future. Enable them to take charge of the ‘practical things’ - such as getting an income, getting a new job or whatever. But the key is to encourage them to take charge of the ‘psychological things’. They can start by choosing their attitude - whether they are going to succeed or sulk. Then help them to explore their possible options - plus the consequences of each option – and pursue their chosen path. They can set short-term goals, translate these in action plans and get an early success. You can then move onto the next stage.

b) Their long-term aspirations.

Good coaches encourage people to lift their sights to their overall picture of success. So you may invite the person to tackle exercises that clarify their life goals. Most people want similar things in life. They want to be loved, happy, creative, successful and find peace. Everybody will, of course, translate these into their own individual goals. People need hope – especially in the midst of chaos. Good coaches help people to clarify their long-term aims and choose their way forward. They also enable them to connect their short-term actions with their overall picture of success. This provides them with a sense of meaning.

So imagine you are coaching somebody who has experienced a setback. How can you connect with their short and long-term aspirations? Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to demonstrate empathy with a person’s aspirations are:

*

* You can help the person to fulfil their aspirations.

Good coaches recognise that: “Enlightenment is okay, but the hard part is execution.” Many people have ‘Ah yes,’ moments, but then find it difficult to translate their visions into reality. If you are helping somebody who has suffered a setback, encourage them to ‘take ownership’ for shaping their future. Check they want: a) to move out of their sanctuary; b) to set specific goals; c) to work hard to achieve success. Encourage them to set short-term aims - because getting early wins builds confidence - and do something every day towards achieving their long-term aspirations. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to help a person to fulfil their aspirations are:

*

Good coaches are like great leaders – they keep moving between the ‘concept’ and the ‘concrete’. Inspiring leaders reach people’s hearts by saying things like: “We shall overcome … I have a dream … ” But they also show how to put the philosophy into practice. Good coaches embrace this ability and also demonstrate the two kinds of empathy. They connect with where the person is today. But then enable them to envisage and shape their tomorrow.

3 tips for following your life-themes

Every person has certain themes they follow in their life. They may aim to encourage other people, build beautiful things, fix problems, create prototypes, fight for justice, pass-on knowledge, work to build a better world or whatever. Sometimes they find and follow these themes – sometimes they don’t. “During my twenties I was idealistic,” said one person. “But I have lost my way a bit during the past ten years. Certainly I want to care for my family, but I am uneasy in my work. I am wondering if there is something more – something that might provide a greater sense of purpose in my working life.” Here are three steps to consider when exploring your life-themes.

* You can find your life-themes.

There are many approaches to finding your life-themes. One is to tackle the exercise called My guaranteed income. If you had a guaranteed income for the rest of your life, what would you do? You might travel around the world, enjoy holidays and give money to other people. But then what would you do? How would you spend your time? Can you see any themes?

“My theme was growing things,” said one person. “I would devote more time to tending my garden, directing plays at the local youth theatre and teaching courses in creative writing. Throughout my life I have been fascinated by helping people - and things - to fulfill their potential. I have tried to play that role as a parent, as a partner and in my work as the leader of an arts centre. There was a period when I got seduced into sitting in meetings doing ‘strategic work’, but I quickly returned to the grass roots. My best work has always been around demonstrating how art can benefit the community. The common theme, however, has been helping things to grow.”

How would spend your time if you didn’t have to work? Describe the things you would do – then see if you can find any themes. Try completing the following sentences.

My guaranteed income

The things I would do if I had a guaranteed income for the rest of my life would be:

*

*

*

The themes that emerge from these things I would do if I had a guaranteed income are:

*

*

*

What themes emerge when people do this exercise? Many focus on the eternal human activities. These include, for example: exploring, learning, creating, designing, building, caring, healing, encouraging, educating, enabling, simplifying, communicating, orchestrating, leading, shaping, trading, ‘selling’, implementing, coaching, facilitating, problem-solving, measuring, entertaining and performing. Different people then put together different combinations of these themes.

* You can follow your life-themes.

Consider how you can follow your themes the future. One person who made her living running a communications business said:

“My theme is ‘expressing people’s essence’. Ever since I was young I have been interested in finding people’s ‘story’. I love to explore and then tell the real story behind who people are, what they do and how they do it. Nowadays I practice it in several ways. One vehicle is writing people’s CV’s – but I produce something very different from the conventional format. I also help organizations to communicate their success stories. This goes beyond the normal kind of ‘good news’ story. I try to get to the heart of the matter, meet the people involved and show the real value of their work. Frequently I meet people who have a great story to tell. But they don’t know how to share it or reach a wider audience. That is my role. I am a communicator who expresses people’s essence.”

Looking at your themes, describe how you can follow and express these in your life and work. Try completing the following sentence.

The things that I can do to follow and express my life-themes are:

*

*

*

* You can fulfil your life-themes.

Following your life themes will be rewarding, but sometimes you may need a greater sense of fulfillment. How to make this happen? There are several ways. First, you can learn to ‘enjoy the journey’ as much as reaching the goal. Sounds zen-like, but it is more likely if you are pursuing a theme that gives positive energy. Second, you can develop the art of finishing. You may want to express your theme by creating a delicious meal, renovating a house, writing a book, fixing a problem or whatever. Seeing a ‘finished product’ gives a sense of satisfaction. Third, you can pass-on the fruits of your learning to other people. You can share it with students, apprentices, readers, listeners, mentees or whatever. Passing-on knowledge to willing learners can be extremely fulfilling.

“Enjoy the process as much as the prize,” we are told. Certainly this is more likely if we are following our key life-themes. Try completing the following sentence.

The specific things I can do to fulfill my life-themes are:

*

*

*